So I usually don’t do recaps but with an episode that had so much drama and apparently drew so much attention I decided I must! This particular showing of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills was so packed with craziness they had to add an extra fifteen minutes! My husband who is not a big fan of this series (although he loves RHONJ and sometimes Atlanta) was not pleased. He said “this is taking too long.” Come on! We had to see what the conclusion was of Rock Biter banging on the bathroom door for Kim, probably because he was worried she was doing the last line. The two rented a room closer to town for the opening event of Lisa Vanderpump’s SUR lounge; worried they might be too F-ed up to drive all the way home. WTF, didn’t these two have a driver? I distinctly recall Kim digging through the garbage in the limo, referencing to a small baggie that most likely contained coke at one point. Sorry, but if she was as innocent to the drug culture as she claims, she wouldn’t have had that train of thought.
So Taylor’s black eye is finally healing, which in turn allows for the opening of Lisa and Ken’s new “Sexy Unique Restaurant”. Yes, Bravo held back the event for a month so that Taylor could turn it into her personal group therapy session. She received a lot of negativity for doing so : many people called her selfish since this was Lisa’s event. However, she made sure to let us know it was Bravo’s way or the highway. How many other instances could this apply to? It makes you wonder what else the network sets up for the perfect level of drama. Anyways back to SUR… was anyone else a bit disappointed when they found out it was such a lame acronym? I was. Lisa is much more creative than that, and even though it sounds alright from the get go- I think it was in poor taste to spell it out on the wall. Maybe that is the trend in LA restaurants, but personally I like Villa Blanca much better.
Even though the name sucks, the place is absolutely beautiful. As in everything else Lisa gives her personal touch to- it came out fantabulous! My favorite touches were the sparkly tiles behind the bar and the fact that they used white wine glasses instead of traditional clear. I also love the fact that one of the waitresses is another ex-skank of Eddie Cibrian’s, which Brandi Glanville is quick to point out. Her name is Scheana Marie Jancon. Scheana was Eddie’s once and a while skank before he hooked up with Leann, however Scheana claimed she was his full on girlfriend at the time (did I mention this was all while Brandi was pregnant? charming!) She told Life & Style : “It went on for about six months and then [my] mom calls me one day and she’s like, ‘So that guy Eddie that you’ve been hanging out with… I just picked up the morning [paper] and it says that him and his wife Brandi of like, I don’t know fiveyears at the time, are expecting their second child,’” Scheana used to date John Mayer as well.. so yeah, starf*cker. Is Eddie Cibrian a star? A star scumbag maybe.
She claims she knew nothing of his children until this time, but even after finding out she continued on with the affair. Eventually he dumped her for Rimes and the rest is history. As she is walking by with a tray of wine glasses, Brandi in typical smart ass fashion threw out a “Oh hey you f*cked my ex husband” and you can bet your butt Scheana heard her loud and clear. She immediately brings the issue up to Lisa, who speaks to Brandi and subsequently asks her waitress to leave. No, she did not fire her. But it was polite and respectful for her to ask her to go home for the day. Brandi is in fact a guest and Lisa absolutely knows how to run a restaurant. I think she should teach a class and Peter Thomas should sign up immediately.
Cut back to Kim Richards who is still in the makeup chair garbling incoherently about a vibrator she found that looks like a lipstick. She says its not hers but that doesn’t stop her from rubbing it all over her face, and her make-up guy disgustingly refers to it as something “for the other lips”. Kim and the Rock Biter are not getting along because he doesn’t understand she likes ice in her 7 UP, and when they order pizza she likes pepperoni and he will order mushrooms and sausage. Basically, in Beverly Hills that means their relationship is doomed. When the two are finally dressed and ready he is trying to hurry Kim out the door, but she is too busy crawling around on the bathroom floor looking for God knows what.
Meanwhile guests continue to arrive, including Kyle and her mini me daughter Farrah, the Maloof’s and their chef Bernie, who Lisa doesn’t recognize in the least although she greets him like a long time friend. Among the guests is RuPaul, who says the room is full of drag queens. Say what!?
To the shock and horror of everyone there, Cedric makes an appearance. It is the OMG crisis of the night (before Taylor comes on the scene of course). Kyle and Brandi are cordial to him but after Lisa spots him out of the corner of her eye, the shit hits the fan. She immediately confronts him and wow is it awkward and horrible. Brandi chimes in from the drag queen gallery that she DID NOT invite him, as Cedric tries to act like nothing is wrong and that he is simply there to congratulate Lisa. She isn’t having it. She says she doesn’t wish him harm but better yet wishes him NOTHING and banishes him from VanderSur forever. He makes a big deal about leaving and kissing the other ladies goodbye. I’m not sure why he would choose to embarrass himself like that but Cedric does love to drag out his 15 minutes which ended long ago. I’m not sure why he thought the VanderPumps would forgive him so easily- after he told Ken he hates his wife and children, among other vile and unforgivable actions. In typical Cedric fashion, after this show aired he released emails between himself and Bravo that showed Lisa knew he was coming- basically the entire dramatic showdown was staged (NO! NOT BRAVO!) Again with the fakeness! Here is Cedric’s statement to Reality Tea :
“As viewers have seen all season, and especially on last night’s overly scripted episode of Real Housewives, Lisa Vanderpump is a bitter, conniving woman who will do anything for fame (and a terrible actress)! She keeps saying what I “did” to her was “vicious” but she never really says what I allegedly did.
Well, let me tell you what she did: When Lisa discovered the truth about her husband’s prostitutes, affairs and love child, she made the choice to stay with a cheater so she could continue on her desperate quest for fame. Then she kicked me to the curb, filed a false police complaint and conspired with her friend, the Editor of Us Weekly to defame and slander me.
And you gotta give her credit. It’s worked, so far. She’s more famous than ever; her loveless, sexless marriage is still alive, albeit on life support; and I’ve been marginalized. But the truth is starting to leak out and soon everyone will know of her secret extramarital love affair and the truth about her vicious attacks on me.
What viewers didn’t see last night was the weeks of back-and-forth negotiations between my manager and [name removed], the Executive Producer of Real Housewives. Dave cleared my invite (and the “olive branch” script) with Lisa. In fact, they even discussed a possible spinoff starring Lisa and me, if, according to [name removed], everything went well at the Sur party.
As proof, I’ve asked my manager to release a few of the many emails between him and [name removed] (below).
Lisa has succeeded thus far in trashing my name and manipulating the other housewives. But the race is long and I’m confident that as the truth slowly comes out, the public will come to realize Lisa’s pretty facade hides a heartless, bitter, rotting core.
Thanks to my friends and fans who have stuck with me throughout this painful process. It’s been a rough year but with your help and support, I’ve landed on my feet and I know the best is yet to come!
P.S. SUR: Sexy Unique Restaurant? Really? WTF!”
And he is expective forgiveness? I think VanderNot.
Moving on to even more drama, Taylor is bringing her therapist to the event as a date. This man clearly wants his own reality series, I can’t see what legitimate psychiatrist would think it was a great idea to accompany their patient out on a date and perform a group therapy session at a restaurant opening that is filmed for cable TV unless he stands to gain something by it. But again, this entire ordeal was staged by Bravo so it is difficult to tell who was purposely involved or not. Before leaving the house, Taylor shows him a chart she’s made for Kennedy where she gets a sticker based on good behavior. Taylor jokes she should have her own reward chart and quite honestly it wouldn’t have to vary much from Kennedy’s.. “Don’t Interrupt”, “Eat Dinner” and “No Whining” are among the awarded actions.
Kim and the Rock Biter are close to making it to the party before it ends. She is pushing all the buttons in the limo and slurring, “I like buttons.” They finally arrive and she purposely shrieks hello to everyone in sight besides Kyle, on purpose. Eventually Kyle manages to drag her away to speak privately, and Kim admits she her relationship is in the dumps and she wants to move away from the Rock Biter, who treats her badly. She then proceeds to tell Kyle she may be pregnant, which is clearly crap. She mentions she doesn’t want a baby, but would be happy with a puppy and she’d rather be traveling. She moves so often that could be considered traveling in itself, and I doubt she could take care of a puppy at this point. Spare that poor little creature.
Finally Taylor manages to take over Lisa’s entire party and the ladies gather around the celebrity therapist guy. Camille is also included in this, along with Lisa, Kyle and Adrienne. Kim has locked herself in the bathroom by this point and Ken is frantically pounding on the door, screaming “WHAT?”. But back to Taylor, Lisa has noticed her left eye is caked in makeup and is obviously black and blue. She tells the women she’s been a crazy person for six months and she’s sorry, but the eye situation is due to Russell punching her. She wants the ladies to forgive her for being a whack job and tells them her marriage is indefinitely over.
Kyle tries to tell Taylor that she has nothing to be sorry for, but Adrienne isn’t having it. She says Taylor has PLENTY to be sorry for, including the fact they all had to lawyer up because of that damn email. IT WAS ALL A BIT MUCH, AND MAYBE SOME “I’M SORRY”S ARE, IN FACT, IN ORDER. Camille also adds that it was very uncool that Taylor insinuated she (Camille) put Taylor’s family in danger by simply repeated something she (Camille) was told by Taylor. GET IT? UNCOOL!
The therapy session ends in apologies and all the ladies are cool again. At this point we are led to believe all the crisis’s have been averted – but alas, Kim is still locked in the bathroom. Same old story.